Missed Flags

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From time to time I listen/read other peoples birth/labor stories being the birth and baby junkie that I am and wonder how these people got themselves into these situations. I wonder how it is that people missed these blatent red flags that were flapping right in their face.

I often have to remind myself of my own red flags that were so obvious and I missed.

When I was pregnant with the twins, before anyone else knew it was twins, I knew. I was telling people “its twins”. Most thought I was overly hopeful. I think they thought this because I had just experienced a miscarriage. I was charting. That was how I knew.

When I went to the doctor for confirmation and an ultrasound was done and he said twins, I wasn’t shocked. I told him “I told you it was”. We talked briefly about my pregnancy and the term “We’ll see how it goes” was used quite a bit. I didn’t see this flag. Later in the pregnancy I would leave his office with unanswered questions. Questions I was specifically asking and not having answered. “We’ll see how it goes” seemed to work well in shutting people like me up for a month.

On April 27th 2009 I  went to bed not feeling too hot. Afterall I was 35.6 weeks pregnant with twins, what more could I expect? I was up on and off thru the night, which was normal (either to use the restroom or from the wrenched back pain). In the morning I felt horrible. Ate breakfast (pizza) and threw up (and pee’d myself too!) so I took a shower and saw the most brilliant blue and orange fireworks ever…in the shower. I was feeling so terrible that I asked my neighbor to take my daughter to school. I was thankful we had a relationship where I felt comfoetable asking a favor from her. When she came to get my daughter, she called my husband at work and told him that she thought I might be in labor. He came home and talked me into going to the doctor.

When we got to the doctors office, I laid my hugely pregnant self down on the couch in the waiting room. When they came to get me I cried and wanted to stay on the couch. I just wanted to stay there. Sometimes I turn into a big baby and unfortunately this was witnessed by several other patients in the lobby.

They finally got me hooked up to machines that said “your in labor”. Some people dislike these machines. I don’t, they were made for people like me. People who dont know they are in labor and need to be told. I was dialated somewhere around 5. My BP was 186/122 and remained in that area. My urine was +4 protiens. I was rushed off to the hospital OR. I was “too high risk” for a vaginal delivery. Baby B was breech. I argued that it was possible for her to turn after baby A was born. I was told no. No excuses, just flat out no. I didn’t fight too much. I think I was too physically and emotionally drained to try to argue at this point. Besides this was my doctor for 9 years. He had my best interests in mind. Right?

Baby A arrived kicking and screaming thru the big gash in my abdomen. Baby B arrived silent. Not a sound. When they moved her from my belly area to the area they would work on her at I saw her breifly. Her face was blue/grey and her arms and legs were black. They pushed a tube into her nose to suck fluids out then put this tiny mask over her face and started giving her puffs of air. Baby B was wrapped up and handed to me while I was being “put back together”. Baby B had a group of medical people surrounding her. I couldn’t see her at all. They kept saying “she’s ok”.

We were wheeled out, we went one way, Baby B and her medical team went the other way. To NICU.

I was told by NICU staff basically it was my fault, my healthy caused this. My OB said it was because she didn’t get that ‘squeeze’ to push fluids out of her lungs. She spent 3 days in NICU. She is just fine now. I still regret not seeing flags that potentially could have prevented all of this from happening. Huge flags. Even more so now, my next pregnancy experienced labor complications that I’m convinced are directly related to this csection. Ill talk about that later.

Hind sight is always 20/20.

One thought on “Missed Flags

  1. That must have been terrifying for you!

    It sounds like you’re still beating yourself up about it, though…and not giving yourself enough credit for the fact you did see warning signs, but we are told throughout our whole lives, and even more so in pregnancy, that we can’t trust our own instincts.

    We know we’re pregnant, we may even have done a test, but doctor’s won’t believe it until they do their own. They test us and scan us and weigh us and, even though it’s good that they do that in some cases, it also disempowers us and tells our subconsciousness that we can’t be trusted.

    And this is the result, that we dismiss our instinctive concerns…

    This was not your fault x

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