You’ll Suffocate Your Baby

My son is 17 months old and has been exclusively breastfed. I can’t really pat myself on the back for nursing him for so long. I always knew I would breastfeed and that formula was never an option. Making nursing my only option made it so much easier for the both of us.

From the moment he latched on I knew there was no other way for us. I am so thankful an blessed that nursing came easy. The trauma from his birth, my birth rape, and our home birth turned c-section was enough of a challenge that I thought I would go insane. Being able to easily nurse him made that trauma a little more bearable.

I say easily nurse but with all nursing relationships there is a challenge. Mine was my 42G breasts! When I first began nursing I would practically undress to nurse him. I just couldn’t figure out how to feed him, and not suffocate him, without getting undressed. I still have no idea why. Maybe because I used to have nightmares that I had suffocated my nursling so subconsciously I was preventing that. Nursing in public was not an option those first couple of weeks, I was all breast barely covered by the boy.

Trying to hold him so I could see him and nurse him was a bit of a struggle. I wanted (more like needed) to see him to make sure he was “ok” but found the cradle hold made it a little harder. So it was football for us. Eventually we evolved to a sitting/standing nursing position.

As he has grown so has the way we nurse. At night I used to have him lay across my chest to nurse. Now I side nurse or even (thanks to BIG breasts) lay on my back while he nurses at my side. It amazes me how our nursing relationship has changed and evolved just as our mama/baby relationship has changed and evolved.

I can comfort him when he is sick, sad, or hurt. I can feed him anywhere at anytime. I can provide him with the best immune system. I am still AMAZED after all this time that my body can make something so wonderful and perfectly catered to my boy.

I have been blessed that our only challenge has been my breasts. My mother breastfed and so did my mother in law, as well as many of the women in my family. I live in a great crunchy friendly community where our friends are supportive of nursing. And….. I am a red head so the few (2) times someone has commented on me nursing my son they have felt my fury. LOL.

There are days that I wish I could just have a moment to finish something without the boy climbing up my leg to get nurses but I know I would miss it. When I have 14 hours days doing home visits (I am a student midwife) I long to be home with my boy. I pout when I come home and he is asleep without me nursing him. Pretty silly hun? But I guess it is apart of him growing up.

Story By: Meredith L.

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